Prisms, baby!

Up until now i fired up Google Chromium every morning to see what’s going on in the world. I checked Google Reader to view the latest postings, Google Calendar on another tab and of course Google Mail. And kept the thing running throughout the day.

The other day i read about prisms. That is something Mozilla developed and it lets you open webpages in a separate window just like an application. Now that is quite handy as this window doesn’t have all the icons and stuff the browser has, because i really don’t need all the bookmarks and whatnot when all i want is to edit my tasks on REMEMBER THE MILK. Also when you can add offline mode (which you can’t YET if you use Linux and Chromium) then you can totally forget mail clients and all that. You can have your calendar, tasks and mail one click away and edit them directly in that one window that opens up.

Now you can do so using the prisms from Mozilla (and you can get those from a repository), but i found it easier to do that through Chromium. Also i love the Avant Window Navigator to keep my desktop clean and yes, it is possible to get those shortcuts on the dock.

Now i could write another 5,000 words about how to do all that, but i felt like doing my first screencast today, so i fired up GTK-RecordMyDesktop (which still has audio issues), recorded some audio with the simple SoundRecorder, mixed it all up with the Pitivi editor and – tadaa – the first screencast from offrampdigital. Might not be great (too much “erm” and some coughing), but still. It gets the point across i think and i DO promise – there’s more to come in the future. And i’ll stop coughing. Enjoy!

You blew it, Bill …

I’ve been using Windows ever since 3.1, that’s back in the day, when movies had no sound and there were piano players in the movie theaters. I didn’t even bother to look at Vista, since XP was giving me enough problems already, but at some point i just had it. My friend Eric was trying to make me convert to Linux all along, but i remembered my first tries with the Suse distribution like ten years ago and was quite reluctant. In the end i just went along and tried Ubuntu 9.10 with the GNOME desktop. And what can i say – IT ROCKS MY WORLD!

First it was like a divorce must feel. I mean you don’t spend like 20 years together and feel nothing when it’s all over. But it didn’t seem like we were meant for each other anyway. So here are some thoughts about my new love.

Ubuntu has been around since 2004 and for something that’s only a little more than five years old, it is really matured already. I totally love the fact that it’s completely free to start with. I recently used more and more OpenSource stuff on my Windows system and that was stuff that mostly came from the Linux community anyway. So i could still use most of the software that i was using all along.

The installation is quick and easy. If you’re using basic stuff only, meaning you’ll need a web browser, mail and a text editor, you’re fine out-of-the-box. But if you have more specialized needs, you’ll have to dig deeper.

I had some problems setting up my favorite program to keep track of my training data imported from the Garmin Forerunner 305 or using my iPod touch. Installing software usually is no problem at all since Ubuntu comes with the Ubuntu Software Center, where you can easily select the software you need from lists that are conveniently categorized.

To install other stuff might seem kind of tricky. In the case of downloaded debian files, you’re still safe when you open them with the GDebi Package Installer, since he’ll do it all for you.

Anything beyond that might scare some people off, since you’ll have to open up a terminal and enter commands to install packages. You’ll have to get used to the concept of Linux where there are no single executable files, but a group of dependant packages that’ll make the program work. But reading through the Ubuntu guide or asking the good people at the Ubuntu forums will get you there in no time.

Once you understand these procedures and concepts, there really is no limit. Go look at the websites Ubuntugeek and OMG! UBUNTU!, to name just two and you’ll get a lot of more stuff to play with, new resources and ideas.

This is just the beginning as i am just starting out, but be sure to see more Ubuntu-related posts coming up right here from yours truly.

Never say never …

… unless you really mean it, thought about it and are totally aware of the consequences. Things will never be the same again. Sounds dramatic and it sure is. People use that little word on a regular basis and more often that not are not really aware what huge statement you make with it. If you use that one bare naked (no ifs or maybes) it does mean it will be like this and no other way ever. Bad thing is, in case you change your mind and it eventually will be anything else but like this, your credibility goes right out the window. 21st floor or not.

We all know someone who wanted to quit smoking and vowed to never touch a cigarette again, never ever to be that stupid again … yadda, yadda, yadda. The moment you see that person with a cigarette again, his or her interpretation of never relocates to a new neighborhood living with the ifs, buts, just-in-cases and all those guys. And whenever this person uses never again, you just know that word is hanging out with the wrong conjunctions.

This first occured to me after a DNF in a long distance triathlon. I quit after 90k into the bike ride because my back was killing me. And looking back i wished i had tried a little harder, because the moment i ripped the race number off my jersey, i could never say again “I never quit.”. It changed to “I never quit unless it is really, really hard.”, which is harder to memorize and sounds a lot less cool. Take it from me. I would never use that word without thinking. Unless it is really, really hard …

On the run …

This was originally done for my other blog, but hey – i think it fits here as well.

I have a 3k loop in the forest that i use for training runs every day. I run there, that’s 2k, i do the loop (currently seven times) and run back. Over the years i found out that my mind is pretty good at going into moron mode. Just drooling, lights on, nobody home. But seriously, i do regard this as a good mental training. I have to figure out something to think about during these long hours. I dream a lot. I have done complete races in my mind. Won some and set a new world record (all complete with an hysterical announcer’s voice at the finish line who just couldn’t believe it) or collapsed with just inches to go, the hand still reaching out, a worn-out heap of uncontrollably twitching muscle. But i also have great ideas and nearly philosophical thoughts.
I look at runners i see every day running there and imagine how they think just what i think the moment i recognize them. I see squirrel cautiously crossing the path, climbing trees so all you see is something reddish brown zooming up there.
I see the sun coming up in the morning, coloring the clouds in a way only nature can do, whiping that black that is somewhat blue off the sky and making the stars fade out very, very slowly.
I run into that black hole past the bridge at the pond again and again at night and though i should know better by now, i still wait for that time when my feet will not touch solid ground for once and i will fall into something that is as black and deep as my oldest fears.
I run past the canal and the trees look like the willows in Louisiana reaching down to the water’s surface, which reflects the lights of the street lamps and there’s a touch of mist that makes it all so mystical.
It’s all there and this is only my everyday training run. Come race day what will it hold for me? I only hope there will be someone at the finish waiting for me so i can tell somebody how completely lost for words i am. And how completely okay that is. Cos when you look hard enough you’ll find something in my eyes telling how happy i am at that moment. Happy and free.

That’s what makes you that guy …

I’m an ordinary guy. I really am. I wake up in the morning, i drink my coffee, then another one. I head out for a run. I work. I write stuff for my blogs or my book. I laugh. I cry. I breathe in. And eventually breathe out.

That’s what everybody does. But it doesn’t stop there. Ever since the day i had the idea for “The Longest Day“, i’ve had this thing on my mind every single day. Especially when i run. Since i started triathlon 11 years ago, i liked doing stuff not many people did. Not as the major reason, but it felt good to be in this relatively small club of people. And now i venture on to be a one-man-club. And i had some thoughts of course. But no fear, children. This is not about how great i might be. So hear me out, if you please.

What i find amazing is that you can come up with an idea, that might be just a tiny thought you had on a run. You come home, get some webspace, send out mails to all your contacts and then it starts. The thing grows. Seemingly by itself and eventually you realize this thing will change your life drastically. And it might have an impact on other people’s lives as well.

I have no idea when i will fall apart during this run, but i hope i can raise some money for the children hospice and make people more aware of what this really is. What is in this for me? I’ll get to know me better in the months to come. And i get a chance to be more than i ever thought i could be.

I believe life is pointless. There is no objective, no grand prize at the end. You live it and that’s about it. But what if you can do something, that can get you closer to what you really are? What if you can do something that could give you a notion what could make life at least feel less pointless?

When i ran my first 100k, people were so friendly, strangers wishing me luck, smiling faces all around. In times like these when sometimes i think the whole frigging planet is going down the drain, it feels good to see how people can be just people sometimes.

And it’s all there for everybody to experience. So when you have an idea, don’t think it ain’t gonna fly. You’d be amazed how people will believe in you. If you can back your idea up with a personality people can believe in. A personality that goes the extra mile, that makes the effort, that doesn’t want life just happening to it, but makes a move. And that is, like John McClane said, what makes you that guy.

The VIP running in Central Park

Life’s been good to me. Sort of. Maybe it’s trying to make up for losing my girlfriend. If that’s so, it’s doing a pretty damn good job.

I’ve been working an awful lot lately so even the good people at Ubisoft noticed the bug reports came in at like four in the morning. But it’s really good money and all.

I had this incredible idea for an extreme sports event (you can read about it on the sister site “offramp extreme” and soon on the event’s own page) and the response i get is overwhelming. The best part being nobody thinks i now am officially and completely nuts.

And to top it all, i am invited to go with my kind-of-brother-in-law to the opening night of his exhibition in the Museum Of Modern Art in New York, staying at a fine hotel two blocks away from Central Park. Five days. All paid for.

I’m not showing off here, but a couple weeks ago i thought jumping off my balcony would be not so much of a bad idea after all. I hated life for dangling all the good stuff in front of me, letting me have a taste of it and then taking it away. Like Charlie Brown said: “You win some and you lose some. Wouldn’t that be great?”

I hated it for it and i strongly believed the old man upstairs was fucking with me all along. But we’ve been talking a lot lately and though i still have no idea what all that was about, i get the feeling things turn out to be not that bad anymore. I was working shifts for shitty money in a shabby place with (you guess it) people on top of being totally unhappy with the way my relationship went. And when it all came crashing down on me, i thought i’d never be happy again.

Friends, family and pretty much everbody else told me it would be this way. That it’d take time and everything would heal. The sleepless nights and the broken heart sure didn’t feel like i could believe a single word they were saying. But (and this is way i post this here for your reading pleasure) that is exactly what happens. I mean i still love her and all and i would do anything to get her back, but i don’t think of that balcony anymore. I can think of things to do, i am back to being a person (still on my way to be a really good person though) and i know i am someone. That probably was the worst. That i completely lost myself.

You know that catchy phrase “I need to get back to my real self.”  (that some people abuse to explain why they think they need to get out of a relationship? Sounds a helluva lot better and more sophisticated than just saying “I just can’t stand you anymore, bitch!”)? If that is true, you’re up shit creek already. If you get so far as to think that maybe you never really were someone to begin with, you lost your paddle, son.

But it’ll all be good. Whatever you did, if you ain’t got your stuff squared away, you’re not ready for anything new or to reanimate whatever there was. I said enough about sorting your life out below, but you just be sure that all this will work out just fine. Take it from someone who has been to hell and back. And had to go back again because he forgot his frigging car keys.

And who also saw the movie. The one where Morpheus says “We’re still here!”.

Sort your f***ing life out, mate!

At the time when i heard this said (or yelled) in “Shaun Of The Dead” (which, by the way IS hilarious), i didn’t think too much of it. These days, this thing is haunting me. And the fact that like Shaun i lost the person i loved the most on this planet and it took that for me to get off my butt and start moving.

I always loved the “Sunscreen Song”. The lyrics first appeared as a column by staff writer Mary Schmich in the Chicago Tribune on June 1, 1997 and those words served as inspiration, sure. But also as an excuse sometimes. Especially these:

“Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t.”

Oh the beauty of it. Here’s somebody educated giving me the right to take a forever rain check to not sort my life out. And it sounds good, too. Don’t get me wrong – i still believe that there isn’t one single way to live one’s life. And i still do believe that only god can judge me, so don’t you dare lecture me.

Cos life already did. A really good friend told me that he always saw those two parts in me. The solitary spiritual surfer-type dude who lives for exercise and that perfect wave (that being just a metaphor, i can’t surf for shit). The other part enjoys constants and relationships and stability.

I had those two parts clashing and at some point, when i had to decide which way to go, it was driving me nuts. Not only at 40, for some people change is hell. Leaving something behind, admitting that some part of your life has come to an end. It’s the whole half full, half empty glass of water thing. If you can’t leave something behind without feeling bad for your sorry ass and are unable to see it as a start of something new, that might not look that exciting at first glance, but nevertheless might be damn worth it, you got a problem. Shaun, back me up on this, will ya?

The normal and the little things in life can be one hell of a kick, too. I doubted Huey Lewis meant it when he was saying “It’s hip to be square”, but for one time in my life i was thinking about having kids for real and all, but at that point i just wasn’t ready to face the fact that dreaming about stuff just ain’t making them happen. Finding out now is sure okay and it is extremely important that you do it for yourself. Inspired by somebody else? Yes. With help from somebody else? If need be. For somebody else? A definite no.

But Shaun was lucky enough to have zombies attack so he could get his love back. Don’t count on that though, whatever or whoever your love might be. “Too late” is too painful a concept. Better get your ass in gear NOW and stick with the unforgettable Freddie Green: “Always pack your bag the night before and leave your uniform on top.” ’nuff said.

Eat your heart out, Mr. Freud…

The sun is shining outside, the beams cutting through the office, there’s sounds of children playing coming through the open window and i am sure there’s a bunch of ridiculously happy people out there.

Well, i am depressive. No sunshine in my head, no sir. The hell, that’s the others; i won’t ever be happy and all that good stuff. Here’s to another rainy day at 90° F.

Somewhere along the line, my brain chemistry got so messed up that i can develop fear to the extreme, but can’t cool down again. That lump of brain cells in my head can’t produce enough C₁₀H₁₂N₂O. That’s Serotonin, children. And it makes you happy, simply spoken.

The first doctor i saw about this told me there ain’t nothing to do. I would have to live with it. That’s not something you wanna hear, knowing you’ll have panic attacks and fear for the rest of your life. Cue the violins, this is gonna be a sad song.

Luckily i saw another doctor last year and it seemed that Sertralin could do something about it. And of course your body’s own wonder drugs, the hormones. That stuff is better than anything you could buy, be it legal or in a dark back alley.

It is proven that sports, being with friends and plain good sex will make your body produce all that good stuff. Just imagine: You’re doing something fun and get free drugs! I do like that concept.

But apart from that it is totally necessary to get off your butt and do something about it. To admit you got a problem, to accept and seek the help of friends and family as well as professional help. We’re talking shrink here. If you can not accept that you have a problem (which is far from being unsolvable), you are part of the problem. People are often afraid to deal with depression, be it the depressive person (“I ain’t mad!”) accepting the status quo as something one can not change, impeding any progress by makin’ themselves more or less comfortable in self-pity and despair. Or be it the friends and / or family. Some people i know didn’t even want to talk or read about it, thinking this could be somehow contagious. And give you this classic: “Tough it out and get it over with.” This is just what you need.

It can tear you apart when your head knows what’s going on, that none of these really bad feelings can actually harm you, that time is on your side and that all this can be cured when you wake up at night and the fear and your thoughts seem to be more than you can bear and you just want it to stop. This way or another.

I love life. Sometimes i do hate people, but since i am here walking the face of this earth i might as well like and enjoy it. There’s a gazillion things to do and even when everything went black seemingly, there’s always little stuff that can make you happy. It might sound like nothing, but being out on the morning run, turning round that corner in the woods and seeing deer cautiously stepping out of the forest into the clearing, standing there the legs cut off by the morning fog, something like this can totally make my day.

So we depressive people should make an extra effort to live the dream and stop dreaming about life. Since you’re inhaling and exhaling, you might as well start living a life.

One man. Two Feet. 100k. And the inevitable question: Why?

Oh well. When i did my first Ironman back in 1998, i didn’t really know what i was doing. Which probably was my greatest advantage. I had never run a marathon before and although i had done long, long bike rides and counted all the tiles on the pool floor for hours on end, i could not possibly have an idea of how all this would feel back to back. It never occured to me, that swimming 2.4 miles, biking for another 112 and running home after that for another 26 miles could be too much. And after finishing i never realized what i’d just done. A couple years later i fell apart in the rain at Ironman Germany and finished in nearly 13 hours. And i felt really bad about it. I couldn’t really enjoy having finished at all. I just thought about the lousy time.

Nowadays i don’t have too much time, mostly i can’t spend the 15+ hours per week to do serious training, so i run a lot. And last year my then girlfriend and me thought of doing a 200k run together with some other people. I was to do 50k of this. Well, the people who wanted to join our team eventually cancelled and even my girlfriend thought it was a better idea to spend the night at a local wine fest instead of out there and so i was facing a 200k run alone. And again had no idea what i was getting myself into. When the news guy at the start asked me what support i had, i could only answer “I got a girlfriend waiting for me at the finish line.”. He couldn’t really believe it, but this would have to do.

It did until after midnight, when i had eaten too much, too much blood had to be drawn back from the muscles to take care of the food and i fell behind. It was awful. I had to quit after 13 hours of running with only 90k to go.

But knowing i can go the distance, i registered for a 100k race in Winschoten, The Netherlands on September 12. The winning time there is around 7:20. The split is an unbelievable 4:24 min/k. Now i won’t win this one, but i’ll do it. (Even without a girlfriend waiting at the finish line, but that’s another story. And one i probably won’t tell in public.) The – as i said – inevitable question is: Why?

The question is inevitable for most people who have never done this and at some point also for those who have done it or are willing to do this (or anything as insane as this).

A lot of people doubt that sports at this level can still be healthy and often people remind you of Julie Moss crawling to the finish of the 1982 Ironman Hawaii or Wendy Ingraham and Sian Welch racing the last couple of yards experiencing serious muscle spasms and eventually also finishing on their knees back in 1997. Watching these moments on TV there are people who turn it off, grab another beer and switch to a game show. Others are intrigued. About the race. About the dedication and the iron will it must take to do something like this. And to keep doing it although there always is an easy way out.

When i did Ironman Lanzarote in 2003, the race director Kenneth told us that if we finish this, we will be Ironmen (and -women, of course) and that would be something nobody could ever take away from us. It will be with us for the rest of our lives. And when times get hard i can remember this. I can remember that i didn’t quit when there was pain and it all seemed undoable. That there was something deep inside that could be found if you dig deep enough. And that was worth doing so.

I can’t say all these races were fun from start to finish. There was this girl doing her first Ironman at Lanzarote and whenever i saw her on the race course, she was smiling. She really enjoyed the race. And i envy that. I do suffer, because i race hard. I have my moments and especially at the finish line, which is a moment like nothing else. But still, a lot of hours spent in those races are only a blur, i can’t remember a thing about them.

Anyways it is an experience i wouldn’t want to have missed. It will alter your mind. Some problems in your daily life will seem to be less important, some stuff now is kinda doable, which seemed so huge before. And hell yeah – it does something for your self esteem. So i’ll run these 100k. Cos i feel like diggin’.

“Hello World!”

I don’t have to tell you about Java. Everybody and their mother runs it on their mobile phones, it’s probably in the browser you’re looking at and who knows where else.

In case you really, really don’t know, it’s a programming language. To start programming Java (or any other programming language for that matter) you’ll need an editor first. As you might know, you can use Windows own Notepad, but soon enough you just might think, this ain’t good enough.

There are a number of editors out there and you’ll find gazillions of opinions on which one is best and who the hell am i to tell you anything. But there’s only one number of editors on this page, so put a sock in it and read on.

To start of and when firing up the IDE is just overkill for the three lines of code you were thinking of, i like ConText. It has syntax highlighting for of course Java, C/C+, Delphi/Pascal, Visual Basic and a bunch of others built in and – if you download them – alot more, including UnrealScript.

Eclipse IDE

ConTEXT script editor

Whether you’re using Notepad, ConText or completely ignore what i just said, you might wanna hit a bookstore and get some books on Java. Or you just save the money and go to the Sun website instead to download the Java Tutorials. Those guys developed Java, so who’s your daddy?

Once you’ve run the “Hello World!” application 25 times, you probably feel the need to get a more sophisticated piece of software. That’s when you go Eclipse. It’s a complete IDE (Integrated Development Environment) and guess what – it’s free!  Sounds great, works even better. Now that you got the apps, the tuts (don’t you just hate it when people shorten just about everything on the internet?) all you need now is someone to explain how to use Eclipse. The usual internet answer in a very uncool forum is “RTFM!”. If you hang out with the kind guys and girls, someone might point you to the video tutorials from Mark Dexter. Okay, you might not like the music, but you gotta love Mark for 16 beginner tutorials and then some.

So go get scripting. The world you just said hello to is all yours.